I miss eating on the floor and using my hands to scoop rice and vegetables into my pita bread. I miss drinking tea at least twice an hour. I miss the call to prayer even though I never participated. I miss my grandma asking me if I’m hungry every thirty seconds. I miss sleeping on the floor. I miss my hard headed father and my giggly cousins. I miss walking to the bazaar at midnight to get baklava and walnuts for a midnight snack. I miss being surrounded by at least twenty loving souls at all times. I miss the cats that roam around the streets scared to death that the neighborhood kids will throw rocks at them. I miss the sound of goats being slaughtered outside my window.
I do not miss shitting into a hole in the ground.
As I sit here drinking my tea, I can’t stop thinking about her. Three years ago a beautiful soul was taken from us. A friend who always put a smile on everyone’s face. A girl who was full of life and beauty. All of these words I’m trying to think up will never do her justice. I’m trying to concentrate on work and I just can’t. I feel her in the cool breeze that greeted me this morning, I see her in the sunsets and I feel her as I sip from this mug. Her favorite quote, one that I will never forget because of her…”Kid, you’ll move mountains.” She moved mountains in the shape of hearts. She impacted everyone that ever met her. She left the most beautiful footprint in everyone’s life. And every year that goes by…around this time…I get the same gut wrenching feeling. Before her passing I hadn’t seen her for at least a year. She moved all over the country, like a beautiful gypsy. Her death did bring upon some positivity in the sense that it gathered her family and brought them closer than ever before. Her brothers and sisters dedicate their lives to making the most soulful and beautiful music that I myself can barely listen to without getting goosebumps and sobbing. I can’t imagine how her close friends must feel when I feel like this and I didn’t see her nearly as much, but I feel her…so much.I will always miss her, wish I had gotten to spend more time with her, sent her letters when I knew she was feeling sad, or did anything. But all we can do is live our lives with the knowledge that things can end at any moment, and you shouldn’t put things off until it’s too late. I try to live my life positively and through her good, pure example- I just hope that’s enough.